Her Safe Haven Page 4

  The day after the attack, when she’d been alone, she devised little alarms from cans and jars. Anyone that got into the house would get tangled in the several long strings she had by the front and back doors, and the cans would make such a ruckus she’d be able to hear it and have a few seconds to run. She also had a few different cans of hornet spray. It would blind the person, and it went farther than a pepper spray would, so she wouldn’t have to be close to the person.

  Lilah also put chairs under the handles for an extra bit of safety. The windows had jars on the bottom window sash. Any movement would make them fall and crash to the ground.

  She knew if someone came into her house at that moment, they would think she was crazy, but it was the only way to feel safe enough to let herself sleep. The only other way to feel safe was to be with Kaden, but he didn’t want anything to do with her.

  If she let herself think about it, she’d start crying, so she put it out of her mind. She made herself a sandwich, and she pushed herself to eat the whole thing. A shower relaxed her enough that she decided to lie down even though it was early.

  Between one moment and another, she was out and didn’t wake up until the next morning.

  Chapter Seven

  Several weeks went by, and Lilah got a bit stronger. She’d gained back a little of the weight she’d lost. Although she had nightmares every night, she was able to get enough sleep to function better during the day.

  She was nervous. Addison had talked her into going to the bar that night, and she’d agreed. It was time to move forward. She resented the fear that the man who tried to hurt her brought into her life. She’d fought too hard to have a normal, stable life. She wasn’t going to let him take that from her.

  Lilah opened her closet door and looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She’d put on her favorite jeans that used to hug her curves, but because of what happened, they were loose on her. All of her clothes seemed to be loose, but she continued to make herself eat and gain back the remaining pounds. It just took a lot longer than she thought it would.

  The bruises under her eyes were still visible, but makeup covered them enough, so few people noticed them.

  She pulled on a light blue silky blouse and added earrings and a bracelet. She put on her high heeled black Jimmy Choo shoes she’d found at a thrift store. That had been one of her best finds ever. The fact they fit her feet like a glove made the buy exceptional.

  She heard a honk out by the curb and guessed it was Hanna there to pick her up. Lilah checked her hair and make-up one more time before grabbing her purse. She made sure the house was locked up tight, and she kept a few lights on.

  “I’m so glad you wanted to join us tonight,” Hanna said once Lilah was in the car.

  Lilah snapped her belt into place. “I am, too. It’s time to move forward.”

  “Just don’t go anywhere without at least one of us. I mean, even the bathroom.”

  Lilah chuckled. “Yes, mommy.”

  They pulled up outside of the bar.

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Hanna asked in concern.

  Lilah had been staring at the alleyway but pulled her eyes away.

  “Yes,” she murmured and got out of the car.

  A small cheer went up when they came through the door.

  Lilah jerked and pressed a hand on the middle of her chest.

  Tears stung her eyes. Several of her friends from the hospital were there for support. It made her realize once again how lucky she was.

  Someone handed her a margarita, her favorite drink. She took several sips and felt the warmth from the alcohol run through her body in a calming wave.

  When she felt strong enough, she turned and looked at the stool, Kaden usually sat. Her heart tripped in her chest. He was staring right back at her. She felt his gaze roam over her, starting from her feet and moving up slowly.

  By the time he got to her head, she was trembling with need.

  “Go talk to him,” Addison said against her ear.

  “I... I’m not sure,” she replied without taking her eyes from the man she tried so hard to forget.

  “Yeah, you are. Go.”

  Lilah cleared her throat and squared her shoulders. She walked to him and stood in front of him.

  “Hi.”

  Kaden nodded once, and his grip on his bottle of beer tightened, trying to hold back the need to snatch her up and hold her close to him. “How have you been?”

  “I…I’m dealing with everything.”

  His eyes narrowed. “It doesn’t look like that to me,” he murmured gruffly.

  She tipped her head to the side. “Why?”

  “You’ve lost too much weight, and I can see the darkness under your eyes you’re trying to hide.”

  “I thought I did a good job of it,” she said, trying to joke.

  Kaden grunted. “Well, you didn’t.”

  Lilah took a breath. “Why didn’t you call me back?”

  “Why? I knew you were doing okay through the grapevine.”

  Lilah’s brows puckered in confusion. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s a small town, sweetheart. Everyone hears everything.” He wasn’t going to tell her he asked everyone he could about information about her.

  “Oh,” she whispered in dismay. Lilah took a moment to gain back her thoughts. “I’d like to see you.”

  She watched as hope, need, desire, anger, and then a desolate kind of acceptance crossed his face.

  “You and I are from two different worlds, Lilah. It would never work.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re from the right side of the tracks, and I’m not. I’m rough and hard, and everything about you is soft.”

  Her mouth fell open. “That’s not true...”

  “It is. You need to come to grips with it.”

  “Is that your only reason for not wanting to be with me?”

  “Pretty much,” he said gruffly.

  “What if I told you that you were wrong?” She waited for him to say anything.

  Kaden suddenly looked over her shoulder and then raised his hand. “Tammy, I’m here.”

  Lilah turned and watched a red-headed woman walk right up to Kaden and put her arms around his neck.

  “Hey, baby,” the woman murmured before pressing her lips to his.

  Lilah swallowed back her need to scream, cry, or laugh hysterically. The woman was beautiful. Several inches taller than her and had curves, Lilah had only dreamed of having.

  She tore her eyes from her and met Kaden’s. She thought for a brief moment she saw guilt, but decided she was imagining it.

  She lifted her chin. “You say this is a small town and everybody knows everything about each other, but you don’t know anything about me. I have no idea where you got the knowledge about my childhood. It couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  She held up a hand when he went to speak. “I got the message. You don’t have to say anything more. I won’t bother you again. Goodbye,” she whispered, turned, and walked back to her group of friends.

  ***

  That night, Kaden had waited impatiently for Lilah to walk through the door like he’d done every Friday and Saturday night since the attack.

  He needed to get a glimpse of her. Just one look would calm him enough to be able to function and breathe. He tried to get his fix sitting across the street from her house. He told himself he was there to keep her safe, but he knew another reason was he just needed to see her in person. Even if it was from far away.

  “Fuck, finally,” he spit out when she walked through the door. His eyes raked over her several times. A frown puckered his brows when he noticed the changes. She’d lost too much weight, and he could see from where he was sitting the damage lack of sleep was doing to her. What made him the maddest was the animation of her expressions he loved to watch was gone.

  He found himself rising to go to her. He wanted to pick her up and take her home and
keep her safe from everything wrong in the world. Then he reminded himself that he would be the worst thing for her. He didn’t want the dirt from his childhood to tarnish her spirit. She was too pure for a man like him.

  She wouldn’t be able to handle the dark side of him. The part of him that was made through the hardships and tribulations he’d endured during his childhood. That made him the man he was that day. He knew a person could fight to make a better life for themselves, and he had. He’d become more successful than he ever dreamed he could be. But a piece of him would always remain the dirty, poor little boy.

  He almost swallowed his tongue when she turned and after a moment started to walk to him.

  “Hi.”

  Kaden nodded. “How have you been?” He hadn’t really had to ask. He could see the effects the attack had done to her.

  “I…I’m dealing with everything.”

  “It doesn’t look like that to me.” He tried to keep from growling in fury. He wanted his hands on the bastard that did that to her.

  “Why?”

  “You’ve lost too much weight, and I can see the darkness under your eyes you tried to hide.”

  “I thought I did a good job of hiding it,” she said.

  His hands itched to pull her into his arms. “Well, you didn’t.”

  “Why didn’t you call me back?”

  Shit. He’d wanted to call her every day or better yet just be with her, and he had to fight himself to hold back from what his heart was telling him to do.

  “Why? I knew you were doing okay through the grapevine.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s a small town, sweetheart. Everyone hears everything.”

  “Oh,” she whispered in dismay. “I’d like to see you.”

  A lot of emotions tore through him at that moment. The last one was anger. He was angry that he’d never have the chance to have this woman in his life or his bed.

  “You and I are from two different worlds, Lilah. It would never work.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re from the right side of the tracks, and I’m not. I’m rough and hard, and everything about you is soft.”

  “That’s not true--.”

  “It is. You need to come to grips with it.” He tried to bite back the fury.

  “Is that your only reason?”

  He nodded. He didn’t want to bring up his need for domination and the dark desires he had. “Pretty much.”

  “What if I told you were wrong?”

  Kaden stayed quiet for a moment, wondering what she could mean by that statement. He saw his way out of the conversation and took it.

  He caught sight of one of the bar regulars that he’d had a time or two, but then so did everyone in the bar, he guessed. This was his chance to show her they couldn’t be together. He raised a hand and looked over Lilah’s shoulder.

  “Tammy, I’m here.”

  “Hey, baby,” the woman murmured before pressing her lips to his.

  Kaden watched the hurt in Lilah’s face, and it twisted his already broken heart. He watched her steady herself and blink back her tears.

  “You say this is a small town and everybody knows everything about each other, but you don’t know anything about me. I have no idea where you got the knowledge about my childhood. It couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  His brows shot together. What the hell did she mean by that? What was he missing?

  She held up a hand when he went to speak.

  “I got the message. You don’t have to say anything more. I won’t bother you again. Goodbye,” she whispered, turned, and walked back to her group of friends.

  He watched her walk away and wanted to pull her back so bad he bit his lip until he noticed the coppery taste of blood to prevent himself from calling out to her.

  “Hey, are you going to pay attention to me?” Tammy whispered against his ear.

  He felt a shiver of disgust hit his spine. The last thing he wanted was her hands on him, but he had to make it look good for Lilah’s sake.

  “Have a seat. Tell me what you’ve been up to?”

  Tammy pulled up a stool so she could sit very close to him.

  “Back off a bit. I think I might be coming down with something.” He said the first thing that came to mind.

  She scooted her stool a foot from him.

  “Oh, shit. I can’t get sick.” Her hand went to her lips, and her eyes widened in horror. “Hell, I kissed you on the lips.”

  “Are you drinking alcohol?”

  She nodded.

  “Drink some, and it will take away any of the germs you got from me.” He had no idea if that was true; he just needed her to shut up, and that was the only thing that popped into his mind.

  He watched her guzzle half her drink down.

  “That should do it. Now tell me about what you’ve been up to?” he asked in dread, knowing she would talk his ear off about things he cared nothing about.

  For an hour, he listened to her drone on about her hair salon. He tried to pay attention and kept his eyes on Tammy, but his gaze kept moving toward Lilah.

  Chapter Eight

  Lilah kept her back to Kaden the rest of the night. She tried to smile and act happy, but it was next to impossible to do when it felt like her heart was being torn apart. She told herself it was ridiculous to feel so strongly for a man she’d spent very little time with, and one that had always shown her he didn’t find her attractive.

  No matter what she tried to tell herself, her thoughts and emotions told her he could have been the other half of her so easily. A person didn’t react the way she had the first time she’d seen him and not have it mean anything. The fact she trusted him after her attack, falling into his arms like he was her lifeline, and he had been at that moment, was a clear sign to her they were meant to be together. If only he could see that.

  “Hey, what did he say?” Addison asked as she put an arm around her shoulders.

  “He says we’re from two different worlds.”

  “What does that mean?” Addison asked.

  “He thinks I came from the suburbs and had a normal childhood.”

  A frown puckered Addison’s brow.

  “He doesn’t know anything about you, does he?”

  Lilah huffed out a laugh. “No. He says he came from the wrong side of the track, but at least he had a home and a family. They might not have been good people, but it’s still more than I ever had.”

  “Why don’t you tell him the truth?”

  Lilah sighed. “I tried, but his date showed up. It’s done. I’ve got my work, good friends, and my own home, something I’ve never had before.”

  Addison finally got a glimpse of Kaden as he sat beside one of the biggest sluts in the county. If that’s what he wanted, he didn’t deserve this sweet woman.

  “Come on. Let's go dance with the other women.”

  “I don’t think…”

  “You love this song, and look, they’re having fun.”

  Lilah sighed. She needed to do something besides stand there and wallow in her misery.

  Addison started to pull her out onto the small dance floor to a group of their friends. It helped to get her mind off the man across the room.

  Lilah danced several dances and turned to go back to the table when a hand gently grasped her arm.

  “Hey, Lilah. Would you dance with me?” Andy said.

  Andy was a nice guy and someone Lilah felt comfortable with. They’d met at the hospital and become friends. At one time, she thought he might ask her out until she caught him staring at the new male resident on the pediatric floor of the hospital, telling her without words which team he played on, so to speak.

  He was a nurse just like her, and she thought he was probably a better one. He had a way with kids that was just magical.

  “Sure,” Lilah said and walked into his arms.

  “How’s little Bella doing?” she asked. Bella was a child th
at had terminal cancer. She’d been in and out of the hospital since she was four years old. She’d made it to the ripe age of nine, but they didn’t think she had much time left. She knew Andy and she were very close.

  “She had a bad day.”

  Lilah squeezed the hand she held. “I’m so sorry.”

  Andy shook his head. “She’s been fighting this for five years. I wish she could go in peace; you know. Watching her in pain is so damn hard. I can’t imagine how her parents feel.”

  “I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

  Andy smiled. “I know. You’re a good friend.”

  Lilah kept her gaze away from the side of the bar Kaden sat at, but she could feel his eyes on her several times.

  “Let’s change the subject,” Andy said.

  “Okay, let’s talk about the new resident we have on our floor.”

  Lilah grinned when Andy blushed. Andy and she had talked about his sexuality a few times, but it was still hard for Andy to talk about out loud.

  Andy snorted. “Let’s not. The man is so far out of my league; it’s not funny.”

  Lilah scowled. “Don’t say that. You have no idea who he is as a person or where he came from,” she growled.

  Andy’s eyes widened. “What’s up?” He’d never seen her lose her cool before. She was one of the nicest people he’d ever known.

  Lilah shook her head and took a breath. “Sorry. It’s nothing. I just had someone think something about me that was totally off, and it made me mad. He didn’t even ask. He just assumed I came from a middle class or higher family.”

  “Are you talking about the hunk that can’t keep his eyes off you?” Andy grinned.

  Lilah pressed her lips together. “Yes. I’m not going to try again. I’ve thrown myself at him several times, and he’s pushed me away every time. I’ve humiliated myself enough.”

  “His reason is because you came from a good family?” Andy asked, confused.

  “That’s what he said.”

  “What would happen if he found out you didn’t?”

  Lilah snorted. “He’d come up with another excuse.”

  “From the look I keep seeing, he wants you pretty damn bad.”